Keeping In Touch

Source: Pexels (@Julia M Cameron)

In a society that often glorifies productivity, hard work, and success to an unhealthy degree, it’s important that we find ways to slow down from time to time. When we take a step back, we might find that we focus too much on the future—on upcoming deadlines, goals and dreams, or even our past mistakes and grievances. Though reflection and goal-setting are important ways to learn and grow, it’s imperative that we don’t allow them to become distractions from the things and people we love.

It can certainly be challenging to maintain hobbies, activities, and connections when our days are increasingly fast-paced and busy, but it doesn’t have to be this way! If we are intentional about where and how we use our time online, we can better employ virtual tools to stay connected with long-distance friends.

A fun fact about me is that I have moved four times so far! I’ve lived between several areas of North America, namely New York, British Columbia, and California. I wholeheartedly enjoyed my time in each and every place, where I made formative memories and subconsciously discovered who I am and who I want to be. I try my best to keep in touch with friends from even elementary school, finding opportunities to reconnect and reminisce about the past and chat about our futures. Here are some things I’ve learned that I hope you resonate with, even if you aren’t planning on moving away from home, because sometimes, life makes it difficult to keep in touch. I’ll be framing this like an invitation, with the who, what, when, where, and why of keeping in touch!

1. Who?

I want to preface this entire conversation with this: it’s okay to lose touch with people. One of the first things I learned is that some people come into your life in a beautiful way and do beautiful things, but are not meant to be there forever. Don’t force connections that have run their natural course.

I want to share an article I read in high school that sticks with me to this day, titled “Facebook Friendonomics”. This article details the frustration of author Scott Brown, who argues that social media is spoiling the natural process of friendships fading away, saying that “we’re losing our right to lose touch”. He believes humans stockpile anything of nominal value, even if they’ve lost their practical value. To him, friends are the currency of the socially networked world. However, he also says that a friend, the “masterpiece of Nature”, is biodegradable and that some friendships are like snakeskin that should be shed. I don’t think reading this was enough to make me remove all the people I’ve “lost touch” with, but both the essay and this quote can be necessary reminders for us to let go of things that are taking their natural leave. 

This article resonated deeply with me as a message to let things be—to allow things to unfold, even if they unfold in a way that you do not like. 

Be intentional about who you keep in your life! You can “unfriend” people in real life too, if you feel it is necessary. Have you both grown to be incompatible as friends? Is the connection “worth” it? Some friendships are simply not sustainable beyond certain circumstances, and it’s important to discern what that means for you. Prioritize the people in your life that make you happier, kinder, and wiser. 

2. What?

So, what do you do to keep in touch?

Personally, I like to play online games with old friends, video chat and catch up on new events in our lives, or call while we go about our everyday lives. During busy seasons of school, I video call hometown friends and we study together! The best way to keep in touch with someone largely depends on what brings you two together—is it the conversations you have, the fun you have together, or simply each others’ presence?

You can watch movies together virtually, read the same books, or even take up an online course together. For some, text messaging suffices, but may not feel personal enough for everyone. Today, with the internet’s wide array of entertainment options, there’s something for everyone; I encourage you to explore these options and see what works for you and your friends.

3. When?

One of the biggest challenges of long distance friendships is finding time to connect. Time zones, schoolwork, careers, and other personal responsibilities can rack up time on our schedules and make it feel impossible to coordinate a call or a text conversation. However, I think it is important to make time for things when you really value them, which makes it even more important to care about the “who” and make sure you do not overwhelm yourself with different plans.

A good rule of thumb is to check in when it feels natural! If you see something that reminds you of your friend–-a meme, a song, a poster—send it to them! Not every interaction has to be a deep, hour-long FaceTime call, though those have their moment too. Even a simple "Hey, this made me think of you!" can go a long way in keeping a connection alive.

Scheduled conversations can work too, if appropriate for both people’s schedules. Maybe it’s a monthly call, a standing Sunday morning catch-up, or spontaneous late-night chats when you both happen to be awake. It doesn’t have to be constant—it just has to be consistent.

4. Where?

Some friendships live primarily in your call logs, camera roll, text message histories, or inside jokes. One of my best friends in elementary school and I laugh occasionally about old, horribly corny inside jokes that were once our catchphrases and serious conversations. In my opinion, these small moments of silliness and whimsy are what comprise a lifetime, and are important to keep close.

If you’re having trouble finding a “where” for keeping in touch, try shared Spotify playlists or apps like Locket and BeReal to keep updated on your friends’ activities. Or, if that’s not your style, you could try popular apps like Snapchat, where you can share photos more casually. Whatever it is, make sure it is sustainable and fun for everyone involved!

5. Why?

Lastly, why do we keep in touch? 

Why should we put in effort to stay in touch with people who we don’t see anymore?

My answer is: good connections are rare, so cherish them.

Friends from the past remind you of who you once were, who you are, and who you are becoming, and I think that is a rare and beautiful thing. Keeping in touch takes effort, takes time, and takes energy, but I believe good things are worth the effort, worth the time, and worth the energy. Proximity is likely what brought you and your friends to become closer, but it would be cynical to believe that physical closeness and circumstances are what holds all our friendships together. 

Instead, the best friendships are built on care, mutual growth, and the ability to evolve together—even across different places and stages of life.

So, I invite you to send that text, schedule that call, or simply send your friend that funny poster or picture. At the end of the day, long-distance friendships prove that real connections don’t depend on proximity and can be sustained through presence and intention. :)